Parenting and Your Own Self-Worth
How does the way you view your own self-worth and identity affect your parenting and relationships with your kids? This post is a labor of love and encouragement for moms who feel they are not doing enough.
This post is part three of a four-part series on identity and self-worth. A Christ-centered identity touches every area of your life. And the flip-side is also true – a self-centered, career-centered, circumstance-centered, or spouse-centered identity and self-worth also touch every area of your life. Even your parenting.
I have two young kids, 6 and 4, and I am by no means claiming to be a parenting expert! Those closest to me know I often have questions on discipline and “what should I do in this situation?” type parenting questions.
This post is not a how-to on parenting, but rather a personal look at your own values, your own self-worth, and your own identity as a parent. It is encouragement for any mom struggling with feeling like you’re not doing enough. A Christ-centered identity has transformed the way I perceive my life with chronic pain and has changed my relationship with my husband in ways I didn’t see coming. And it has also impacted the way I interact with my kids and perceive my role as a mom.
Mommy, Will You Play With Me?
Oh this sweet question! I have now come to cherish it. If you have young kids like me, you probably hear this question a lot. If your kids are older, they may be asking for your help or time in other ways.
But no matter what they are asking, it is time with them that really matters.
My kids would ask me over and over to play with them. Sounds innocent enough, right? What’s wrong with that?
Nothing is wrong with that question. What was wrong, was my perspective on it.
I always felt like I should be doing something else. If I was to sit down and play with them, I felt like I shouldn’t be. I would sit there physically present “playing” but mentally, no. I was either listing off all of the to-do’s I thought I needed to get done for the rest of the day or later that week. Or, I’d sit for 5 minutes and be distracted and pulled by either house-work or keeping busy with whatever else it was I thought I “should be doing.”
I was never really present! How much I missed when they were young toddlers and babies.
But I have been freed from the trap of always needing to be “doing enough” with this simple, yet freeing truth: “you did not choose me but I chose you.” (John 15). I have talked about this verse many times, but that truth in those Words has touched every area of my life. And in God’s Truth, there is freedom.
I was trapped in the lies that told me “you’re not doing enough around your house,” “you should be working,” etc.
Give yourself permission moms, to sit and play with your kids. Be present, both emotionally and mentally with your kids when you are with them. That moment you will not get back, but everything else such as chores, laundry, dishes, etc. will still be there.
My Dad's Parenting Example and How It Encouraged Me as a Mom
Some of my favorite memories with my dad growing up are him playing with me and my twin sister, Sara. Not the vacations, not the out-to-dinners, but the time he spent present with us.
He used to play Little People with us for hours. And he owns his own business, Grasel Graphics, and with that comes responsibilities and work-related tasks he could have been doing! But he chose to spend time with Sara and I. Time at our level, playing with us.
As we got older, (he’s still a business owner remember), my dad would still make time for us. Some of my favorites: he’d play basketball with Sara and I and a home-run derby game, where we’d try to hit whiffle balls over our roof.
I share these with you, because here is a beautiful example of a successful businessman who made the intentional choice to set things aside and spend time with his daughters.
And it’s not about what he did with us. It’s about the time he spent with us. I don’t remember the specifics, but I remember him being there. He made us feel loved. He made us feel important to him. And it is one of the biggest encouragements to me as a mom.
Something so little in the grand scheme of things, especially when you own a business, had such an impact on me.
And here I am, a grown adult, and I haven’t forgotten.
His decisions have taught me how I would like to be in my choices with my young kids.
How Parenting Choices & Self-Worth Come Together
So here I was, constantly anxious and feeling like I don’t have time to play with my own kids. But those were all lies.
Let this sink in – the enemy would like nothing more than to keep you from being physically, emotionally, and mentally present in your kids lives. And the enemy would like nothing more than to keep you from enjoying what’s right in front of you.
Because then you’re trapped.
I was for years, when my kids were babies and young toddlers. How much I missed!
Because that little lie “you’re not doing enough” can get you stuck and make you feel like you’re constantly trying to keep up.
That little lie can keep you trapped always trying to “do enough” or “be good enough” in whatever it is.
But you don’t. You don’t have to do enough or be enough.
In Jesus, you are enough.
Your worth is not tied to what you accomplish today. Your worth is not tied to what you complete today. Your worth is not even tied to whether or not you intentionally set time aside to play and spend time with your kids.
Your worth is in Christ and Christ alone who chose you. Jesus chose you. Jesus, who chose the cross for you, chose you as His own.
Jesus chose you to be your kids mom. He chose you.
Rest in His Truth that you are His. The Creator of the world, the Author of salvation, the Forgiver of sins, chose. You.
Make an intentional choice to set things aside and play with your young kids today or if they’re past the playing years, something that shows them you are present.
As much as I hope this is encouraging to you, it’s honestly a good reminder to me as I write this.
If there are ways you intentionally spend time with your kids, whether they are younger or older, I would love to hear! Let me know in the comments.
To learn more, Pastor Kaiser and I discuss self-worth and identity in this Facebook Live interview with CrossRoads Counseling Ministries. I encourage you to watch it if you haven’t had a chance. We dive into the freeing transformation that a Christ-centered identity and self-worth can have.
Thank you Lisa. Although I do not have children of my own, your message speaks loud and clear to me. When I am living Christ-centered, I am living in the present moment able to be a channel of God’s love and acceptance to others. And, when I am living self-centered mode, I am not a channel that is clear for God’s use; rather, I am clogged up with worry, anxiety, … basically lack of faith in God. It is good to know that I have a choice when I recognize the sin of selfishness/lack of trusting God in my life. God let me always choose to ask for forgiveness and, thank you God, that You chose me.
Michelle, thank you! Yes – I completely agree with you that when you are Christ-centered you are able to live in the present moment! And how important that is. And I love how you say you are able to channel God’s love and acceptance to others. In doing so, you will be reflecting Christ’s love to them💙. Thank you for sharing! That is powerful!