What if your perspective is the only thing you can change?
A change in my perspective might have been the biggest thing I needed.
This was a lesson I recently learned as my family and I prepared to travel to Florida.
And oh what God has done! I can look back on two very similar circumstances. Two trips. Both in pain when I wanted anything but that. Two trips, one in tears, and the other joyful despite what I cannot change.
The only difference?
A new perspective.
And what resulted was a completely different outcome. I smile as I write this. My back is the same as it was then. What changed, is what He graciously changed in me. And it changed our entire trip.
What follows is how a small change in my perspective changed the entire trip for the better.
A lot of what I had to change, or rather have changed in me I could say, was my acceptance of my situation, and what followed was a difference in how I perceived the whole thing. And what a difference it made!
But changing my perspective didn’t just happen overnight, on a whim, automatically. I had to make a choice. And it started with a choosing to accept my situation first.
Acceptance
I realized as I will explain below, that until recently, I had not really accepted the fact that the injuries and chronic pain I live with, affects a lot of the decisions I make and what I am able to do and not do.
Perspective
I could not change my perspective without actually accepting the realities that my back is injured and I can’t do everything they way I would have hoped if those injuries did not exist.
A Different Perspective and Two Different Outcomes
I can look back at a past vacation to Chicago in 2019 and compare it to Disney 2021. And I can internally jump-for-joy at the change from Chicago to our recent trip.
My husband and I visited Chicago in 2019, just the two of us!
Overall, it was a great trip. But, it was overshadowed by an unreasonable expectation that I wouldn’t be in pain. And when I was? I was devastated and it almost ruined our entire trip.
I distinctly remember the second morning in Chicago. Marc and I had walked to get breakfast and coffee from our hotel. Maybe a half-mile walk.
After breakfast, we tried to walk around downtown and my thoracic pain was almost unbearable.
But what hit me in that moment in addition to the pain, was this crushing feeling of “not being able to enjoy Chicago” and I spiraled down the rabbit hole incredibly sad my back hurt so bad that morning.
Back then, I had not fully accepted my situation. I had wrongly expected to go to Chicago and just for whatever reason feel great! Feel great because I’m in Chicago and I can’t possibly hurt there, right?
I was so wrong. My husband and I walked back to our room as I fought back tears. We got back and I sobbed. I sobbed, upset that I was in pain as usual, sad I couldn’t enjoy the day like I thought, and ultimately sad that I couldn’t enjoy our trip “like I thought I could.”
But the thing is, it could have been different. It could have been different if I had chosen to look at that morning differently. And that scenario taught me a big lesson. And one I thought about as we prepared to travel to Florida.
God has graciously woven a lot together over the last 8 years as I have been dealing with chronic pain, and part of that has been helping me accept that I can’t participate in everything the way I had envisioned prior to the accident. And that’s incredibly important. Incredibly important to me because I used to push through. I would push through and pay for it dearly. I’d pay for it with increased pain in my back and then in tears that I still hurt.
And I (finally!) have begun to accept that I can’t just push through and hope for the best.
I might always hurt. And that is okay. That doesn’t mean I don’t pray for healing, grieve still when days are bad, but I have accepted my new normal for right now. And that means accepting that, in this case, traveling with my family may not look exactly like I would have envisioned.
In preparing for our trip, I deliberately took it very easy the week leading up to our flight. I knew if I didn’t, I’d pay for it.
My husband and I also discussed prior to leaving that if I have to take a break and sit, that it’s okay. This was a crucial change for me. Before I would have been like “We are at Disney! We’re going to see everything! I’m not going to be the one to make us sit anything out.” Ha, I can laugh at that now. Accepting that I may need to take a break, (and not feel guilty about it!), was such a change.
Where that little tweak in accepting my situation and planning ahead before traveling really paid off was my attitude and perspective once we got there.
I used to love rides and roller coasters. I was going to be the mom zipping on the rides with my kids. That’s what I thought when I was younger. And now, I can’t. Two years ago, if Chicago was Disney, I would have sobbed at that fact alone. I would have sobbed that I can’t experience the rides with my kids. That I can’t experience it like I thought I should be able to. And I would have felt sorry for myself.
But preparing for our trip, and accepting that it will look different than I thought, and being okay with that, shifted my perspective going forward.
We visited Animal Kingdom on our first full day at Disney. We loved it! However, my back was pretty bad that day. I tried not to let on, and not complain, but we had to move slow that day.
Magic Kingdom was day two. And the day I was most looking forward to. I texted a friend of mine that morning, asking her to pray that I’d be able to get through the day in less pain than the prior day at Animal Kingdom. Do not be afraid to reach out and ask for prayer! Oh what God has done through prayer with others (and that is another topic for another day). But this sweet friend prayed for me, and the day was easier than the day before. And for that I was so grateful.
Not being on the rides allowed me to watch my family enjoy them in a different way. And although it was not what I would have chosen, it was still perfect in its own way. And that is where my perspective had graciously been shifted.
It was a perspective that wasn’t focused on myself. A perspective that wasn’t focused on all I cannot do. But one that was focused on the blessings right in front of me. One that chose to see the joy right in front of me.
And that was a deliberate choice I had to make. And one I had to make prior to traveling and again while we were there.
And the biggest thing is this – it’s not really about the rides and not being able to go on them with my kids. It’s about a situation that is different than what I had envisioned. And choosing to look at it differently.
If you also face chronic pain, or maybe a situation that is not how you would envision it, I hope you can see the blessings that are still right in front of you. And ultimately, even if it’s not exactly how you would choose, know God will be carrying you through. Carrying you through and possibly showing you something from a slightly different view.
Another great post, Lis 🙂 Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
Thank you Rach! 💙
Beautiful post! When I can find gratitude and remember that obstacles are actually opportunities for something better if I but seek, I can then find acceptance and experience joy. Your experience reminds me of this truth. Thank you 🙏
Love this. You are absolutely right! Obstacles can be for something better. This reminds me of Romans 5:1-5 again!💙
Such a powerful post, Lisa. A perfect example of what is referenced in the serenity prayer.
Thank you Nancy💙 and that is a beautiful prayer.